Unsure

You know that feeling when nothing feels right? Well it feels like that now.

I know God is in control. I know that. Other than that I don't know anything.

"13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4

I'm reminded again that this world is not my home. I can't imagine a place where I will never face a trial again. I will always be with the Lord. Why do I act like this world is my home? It's not, it doesn't even come close to where I will live for eternity.

"For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:14

"13Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5

Pray with me, pray for me. Prayer is important, and like James 5 says, it is powerful and effective. I need to be reminded of that, I need to know that my prayers are heard. I really know that they are. Sometimes I just wish God would do things the way that I imagine they should go. Thankfully He has a better plan. Still, I feel sad today and something is amiss. Three things that I can think of. Some of them won't be back to normal for a couple of months, some of them might be back to normal at any time, and one of them will be gone soon. Then I'll have to get used to that normal. For now I just wait, it's hard to wait and watch something die.

And it is taking so long, and that is harder than a quick death.

I still have so much to learn from God. This time He is reminding me, again, that my plans are not supreme. Things don't work out the way I think they should. Problems and trials pile up, life never stops happening. People die, pets die or disappear, people leave, people get mad and have arguments. Even so, life is so good right now. God is so good. I won't say I wouldn't change a thing because at this point I want one thing to change very badly. But I know God has a purpose for this.

I also know that no matter what happens in life we should never stop loving. C.S. Lewis said "Other than heaven, the only place where one's heart is completely safe from the dangers of love is hell."

No matter what happens I must continue to love and trust that God knows what is best. I'm still learning, that will never stop.