There hasn't been time to digest the thought that Diesel is gone. It was completely unexpected.
He's been gone for three days now. I think. I'm not sure. At times I'll walk around and think of how he used to stalk me, or attack me when I wasn't looking. Or when I see one of his toys, when I walk past one of his favorite spots to sleep I'm instantly reminded that he's gone. Eleven months went by so quickly.
Still hasn't sunk in. I don't feel like I'm really awake when I wake up in the mornings.... Diesel isn't there to wake me up. He used to attack my feet if I moved them at all.
He may come back, only God knows. For now I'm practicing living without him. I read this last night, "Leave your orphans; I will protect their lives. Your widows too can trust in me." Jeremiah 49:11 And today I realized I can't do anything to bring him home. I cried. But I looked at that verse again and read about the widow at Zarephath. My heart was quieted, and I knew God has Diesel in His hands.
I didn't cry before today. We didn't really talk about him being gone. But when I told Kristy about how unexpected all of this is I almost started crying. It's not good to hold things in all of the time.
Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I'm always glad for the freshness of tomorrow.